Digging|NNP up|RP the|DT facts|NNS ...|... After|IN digging|NN to|TO a|DT depth|NN of|IN 100|CD m|NN last|JJ year|NN ,|, Russian|JJ scientists|NNS found|VBD traces|NNS of|IN copper|NN wiring|NN dating|VBG back|RB 1000|CD years|NNS ,|, and|CC came|VBD to|TO the|DT conclusion|NN that|IN their|PRP$ ancestors|NNS already|RB had|VBD a|DT telephone|NN network|NN one|CD thousand|CD years|NNS ago|RB .|. 
So|RB as|RB not|RB to|TO be|VB outdone|VBN ,|, in|IN the|DT weeks|NNS that|WDT followed|VBD ,|, American|JJ scientists|NNS dug|VBD 200|CD m|NN ,|, and|CC headlines|NNS in|IN the|DT US|NNP newspapers|NNS read|VBP :|: "|'' US|NNP scientists|NNS have|VBP found|VBN traces|NNS of|IN 2000|CD year|NN old|JJ optical|JJ fibres|NNS ,|, and|CC have|VBP concluded|VBN that|IN their|PRP$ ancestors|NNS already|RB had|VBD advanced|VBN high-tech|JJ digital|JJ telephone|NN 1000|CD years|NNS earlier|RBR than|IN the|DT Russians|NNPS .|. "|'' 
One|CD week|NN later|RB ,|, the|DT Irish|JJ press|NN reported|VBD the|DT following|VBG :|: "|'' After|IN digging|NN as|RB deep|JJ as|IN 500|CD m|NN ,|, Irish|JJ scientists|NNS have|VBP found|VBN absolutely|RB nothing|NN .|. 
They|PRP have|VBP concluded|VBN that|IN 5000|CD years|NNS ago|RB ,|, their|PRP$ ancestors|NNS were|VBD already|RB using|VBG mobile|JJ phones|NNS "|'' .|. 

Mr|NNP N.|NN Mandela|NNP .|. Nelson|NNP Mandela|NNP is|VBZ sitting|VBG at|IN home|NN watching|VBG TV|NN and|CC drinking|VBG a|DT beer|NN when|WRB he|PRP hears|VBZ a|DT knock|NN at|IN the|DT door|NN .|. 
When|WRB he|PRP opens|VBZ it|PRP ,|, he|PRP is|VBZ confronted|VBN by|IN a|DT little|RB Chinese|JJ man|NN ,|, clutching|VBG a|DT clipboard|NN and|CC yelling|VBG ,|, "|'' You|PRP Sign|NNP !|. 
You|PRP sign|NN !|. "|'' 
Behind|IN him|PRP is|VBZ an|DT enormous|JJ truck|NN full|JJ of|IN car|NN exhausts|NNS .|. 
Nelson|NNP is|VBZ standing|VBG there|RB in|IN complete|JJ amazement|NN ,|, when|WRB the|DT Chinese|JJ man|NN starts|VBZ to|TO yell|VB louder|RBR .|. 
"|'' You|PRP Sign|NNP !|. 
You|PRP sign|NN !|. "|'' 
Nelson|NNP says|VBZ to|TO him|PRP ,|, "|'' Look|VB ,|, you|PRP 've|VBP obviously|RB got|VBN the|DT wrong|JJ man|NN "|'' ,|, and|CC shuts|VBZ the|DT door|NN in|IN his|PRP$ face|NN .|. 
The|DT next|JJ day|NN he|PRP hears|VBZ a|DT knock|NN at|IN the|DT door|NN again|RB .|. 
When|WRB he|PRP opens|VBZ it|PRP ,|, the|DT little|RB Chinese|JJ man|NN is|VBZ back|RB with|IN a|DT huge|JJ truck|NN of|IN brake|NN pads|NNS .|. 
He|PRP thrusts|NNS his|PRP$ clipboard|NN under|IN Nelson|NNP 's|POS nose|NN ,|, yelling|VBG ,|, "|'' You|PRP sign|NN !|. 
You|PRP sign|NN !|. "|'' 
Mr|NNP Mandela|NNP is|VBZ getting|VBG a|DT bit|NN hacked|JJ off|RP by|IN now|RB ,|, so|IN he|PRP pushes|VBZ the|DT little|RB Chinese|JJ man|NN back|RB ,|, shouting|VBG :|: "|'' Look|VB ,|, go|VB away|RB !|. 
You|PRP 've|VBP got|VBN the|DT wrong|JJ man|NN !|. 
I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB want|VB them|PRP !|. "|'' 
Then|RB he|PRP slams|NNS the|DT door|NN in|IN his|PRP$ face|NN again|RB .|. 
The|DT following|VBG day|NN ,|, Nelson|NNP is|VBZ resting|VBG ,|, and|CC late|RB in|IN the|DT afternoon|NN ,|, he|PRP hears|VBZ a|DT knock|NN on|IN the|DT door|NN again|RB .|. 
On|IN opening|VBG the|DT door|NN ,|, there|EX is|VBZ the|DT same|JJ little|RB Chinese|JJ man|NN thrusting|VBG a|DT clipboard|NN under|IN his|PRP$ nose|NN ,|, shouting|VBG ,|, "|'' You|PRP sign|NN !|. 
You|PRP sign|NN !|. "|'' 
Behind|IN him|PRP are|VBP TWO|CD very|RB large|JJ trucks|NNS full|JJ of|IN car|NN parts|NNS .|. 
This|DT time|NN Nelson|NNP loses|VBZ his|PRP$ temper|NN completely|RB ,|, he|PRP picks|VBZ up|RP the|DT little|JJ man|NN by|IN his|PRP$ shirt|NN front|NN and|CC yells|VBZ at|IN him|PRP ;|: "|'' Look|VB ,|, I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB want|VB these|DT !|. 
Do|VBP you|PRP understand|VBP ?|. 
You|PRP must|MD have|VB the|DT wrong|JJ name|NN !|. 
Who|WP do|VBP you|PRP want|VBP to|TO give|VB these|DT to|TO ?|. "|'' 
The|DT little|RB Chinese|JJ man|NN looks|VBZ at|IN him|PRP very|RB puzzled|VBD ,|, consults|NNS his|PRP$ clipboard|NN ,|, and|CC says|VBZ ,|, "|'' You|PRP not|RB Nissan|NNP Main|NNP Dealer|NNP ?|. "|'' 

Prefix|NNP La|NNP is|VBZ feminine|JJ Prefix|NNP Le|NNP is|VBZ masculine|JJ A|DT language|NN instructor|NN was|VBD explaining|VBG to|TO her|PRP$ class|NN that|IN in|IN French|JJ ,|, nouns|NNS unlike|IN their|PRP$ English|NNP counterparts|NNS ,|, are|VBP grammatically|RB designated|VBN as|IN masculine|JJ or|CC feminine|JJ .|. 
"|'' House|NNP ,|, "|'' in|IN French|JJ ,|, is|VBZ feminine|JJ -|: "|'' la|FW maison|NN .|. "|'' 
"|'' Pencil|NNP ,|, "|'' in|IN French|JJ ,|, is|VBZ masculine|JJ "|'' le|DT crayon|NN .|. "|'' 
One|CD puzzled|VBN student|NN asked|VBD ,|, "|'' What|WP gender|NN is|VBZ Computer|NNP ?|. "|'' 
The|DT teacher|NN did|VBD not|RB know|VB ,|, and|CC the|DT word|NN was|VBD n't|RB in|IN her|PRP$ French|JJ dictionary|JJ .|. 
So|RB for|IN fun|NN she|PRP split|VBD the|DT class|NN into|IN two|CD groups|NNS appropriately|RB enough|RB ,|, by|IN gender|NN and|CC asked|VBD them|PRP to|TO decide|VB whether|IN Computer|NNP should|MD be|VB a|DT masculine|JJ or|CC feminine|JJ noun|NN .|. 
Both|DT groups|NNS were|VBD required|VBN to|TO give|VB four|CD reasons|NNS for|IN their|PRP$ recommendation|NN .|. 
The|DT boy|NN 's|POS group|NN decided|VBD that|IN computers|NNS should|MD definitely|RB be|VB of|IN the|DT feminine|JJ gender|NN (|( "|'' la|FW computer|NN "|'' )|) ,|, because|IN :|: 
1|CD .|. No|DT one|NN but|CC their|PRP$ creator|NN understands|VBZ their|PRP$ internal|JJ logic|NN ;|: 
2|CD .|. The|DT native|JJ language|NN they|PRP use|VBP to|TO communicate|VB with|IN other|JJ computers|NNS is|VBZ incomprehensible|NN to|TO everyone|NN else|RB ;|: 
3|CD .|. Even|RB the|DT smallest|JJS mistakes|NNS are|VBP stored|VBN in|IN long-term|JJ memory|NN for|IN possible|JJ later|RB retrieval|NN ;|: and|CC 4|CD .|. As|RB soon|RB as|IN you|PRP make|VBP a|DT commitment|NN to|TO one|CD ,|, you|PRP find|VBP yourself|PRP spending|NN half|PDT your|PRP$ salary|NN on|IN accessories|NNS for|IN it|PRP .|. 
The|DT women|NNS 's|POS group|NN ,|, however|RB ,|, concluded|VBD that|IN computers|NNS should|MD be|VB masculine|JJ (|( "|'' le|DT computer|NN "|'' )|) ,|, because|IN :|: 
1|CD .|. In|IN order|NN to|TO get|VB their|PRP$ attention|NN ,|, you|PRP have|VBP to|TO turn|VB them|PRP on|IN ;|: 
2|CD .|. They|PRP have|VBP a|DT lot|NN of|IN data|NNS but|CC they|PRP are|VBP still|RB clueless|JJ ;|: 
3|CD .|. They|PRP are|VBP supposed|VBN to|TO help|VB you|PRP solve|VB problems|NNS ,|, but|CC half|PDT the|DT time|NN they|PRP ARE|VBP the|DT problem|NN ;|: and|CC 4|CD .|. As|RB soon|RB as|IN you|PRP commit|VBP to|TO one|CD ,|, you|PRP realize|VBP that|IN if|IN you|PRP 'd|MD waited|VBD a|DT little|JJ longer|RBR ,|, you|PRP could|MD have|VB gotten|VBN a|DT better|RB model|NN .|. 

WHY|WRB WE|NNP LOVE|NNP CHILDREN|NNS :|: A|DT small|JJ boy|NN is|VBZ sent|VBN to|TO bed|NN by|IN his|PRP$ father|NN .|. 
Five|CD minutes|NNS later|RB :|: "|'' Da-ad|NNP ...|... "|'' 
"|'' What|WP ?|. "|'' 
"|'' I|PRP 'm|VBP thirsty|JJ .|. 
Can|MD you|PRP bring|VB me|PRP a|DT drink|NN of|IN water|NN ?|. "|'' 
"|'' No.|NN 
You|PRP had|VBD your|PRP$ chance|NN .|. 
Lights|NNP out|RP .|. "|'' 
Five|CD minutes|NNS later|RB :|: "|'' Da-aaaad|NNP ...|... "|'' 
"|'' I|PRP 'm|VBP THIRSTY|NNP .|. 
Can|MD I|PRP have|VB a|DT drink|NN of|IN water|NN ?|. ?|. "|'' 
"|'' I|PRP told|VBD you|PRP NO|UH !|. 
If|IN you|PRP ask|VBP again|RB ,|, I|PRP 'll|MD have|VB to|TO spank|NN you|PRP !|. !|. "|'' 
Five|CD minutes|NNS later|RB ...|... 
"|'' Daaaa-aaaad|NNP ...|... "|'' 
"|'' WHAT|WDT ?|. ?|. !|. !|. "|'' 
"|'' When|WRB you|PRP come|VBP in|IN to|TO spank|NN me|PRP ,|, can|MD you|PRP bring|VB me|PRP a|DT drink|NN of|IN water|NN ?|. "|'' 

An|DT exasperated|JJ mother|NN ,|, whose|WP$ son|NN was|VBD always|RB getting|VBG into|IN mischief|NN ,|, finally|RB asked|VBD him|PRP ,|, "|'' How|WRB do|VBP you|PRP expect|VBP to|TO get|VB into|IN Heaven|NNP ?|. "|'' 
The|DT boy|NN thought|VBD it|PRP over|RB and|CC said|VBD ,|, "|'' Well|RB ,|, I|PRP 'll|MD just|RB run|VB in|IN and|CC out|IN and|CC in|IN and|CC out|IN and|CC keep|VB slamming|VBG the|DT door|NN until|IN St.|NN Peter|NNP says|VBZ '|POS For|IN Heaven|NNP 's|POS sake|NN ,|, Jimmy|NNP ,|, come|VB in|IN or|CC stay|VB out|RP !|. '|POS "|'' 

One|CD summer|NN evening|NN during|IN a|DT violent|JJ thunderstorm|NN a|DT mother|NN was|VBD tucking|VBG her|PRP$ small|JJ boy|NN into|IN bed|NN .|. 
She|PRP was|VBD about|IN to|TO turn|VB off|RP the|DT light|JJ when|WRB he|PRP asked|VBD with|IN a|DT tremor|NN in|IN his|PRP$ voice|NN ,|, "|'' Mommy|NNP ,|, will|MD you|PRP sleep|VB with|IN me|PRP tonight|NN ?|. "|'' 
The|DT mother|NN smiled|VBD and|CC gave|VBD him|PRP a|DT reassuring|JJ hug|NN .|. 
I|PRP ca|MD n't|RB ,|, dear|RB ,|, "|'' she|PRP said|VBD .|. 
"|'' I|PRP have|VBP to|TO sleep|VB in|IN Daddy|NNP 's|POS room|NN .|. "|'' 
Little|NNP voice|NN :|: "|'' The|DT big|JJ sissy|NN .|. "|'' 

A|DT mother|NN took|VBD her|PRP$ three-year-old|JJ daughter|NN to|TO church|NN for|IN the|DT first|JJ time|NN .|. 
The|DT church|NN lights|NNS were|VBD lowered|VBN ,|, and|CC then|RB the|DT choir|NN came|VBD down|RP the|DT aisle|NN ,|, carrying|VBG lighted|VBN candles|NNS .|. 
All|DT was|VBD quiet|JJ until|IN the|DT little|JJ one|CD started|VBD to|TO sing|VB in|IN a|DT loud|JJ voice|NN ,|, "|'' Happy|NNP birthday|NN to|TO you|PRP .|. 
Happy|NNP birthday|NN to|TO you|PRP ...|... "|'' 

It|PRP was|VBD that|DT time|NN during|IN the|DT Sunday|NNP morning|NN service|NN for|IN "|'' the|DT children|NNS 's|POS sermon|NN ,|, "|'' and|CC all|PDT the|DT children|NNS were|VBD invited|VBN to|TO come|VB forward|RB .|. 
One|CD little|JJ girl|NN was|VBD wearing|VBG a|DT particularly|RB pretty|RB dress|VB and|CC ,|, as|IN she|PRP sat|VBD down|RB ,|, the|DT pastor|NN leaned|VBD over|RB and|CC said|VBD to|TO her|PRP$ ,|, "|'' That|DT is|VBZ a|DT very|RB pretty|RB dress|VB .|. 
Is|VBZ it|PRP your|PRP$ Easter|NNP dress|NN ?|. "|'' 
The|DT little|JJ girl|NN replied|VBD ,|, directly|RB into|IN the|DT pastor|NN 's|POS clip-on|JJ microphone|NN ,|, "|'' Yes|UH ,|, and|CC my|PRP$ Mom|NN says|VBZ it|PRP 's|VBZ a|DT bitch|NN to|TO iron|VB .|. "|'' 

Finding|VBG one|CD of|IN her|PRP$ students|NNS making|VBG faces|VBZ at|IN others|NNS on|IN the|DT playground|NN ,|, Ms.|NN Smith|NNP stopped|VBD to|TO gently|RB reprove|VB the|DT child|NN .|. 
Smiling|VBG sweetly|RB ,|, the|DT Sunday|NNP School|NNP teacher|NN said|VBD ,|, "|'' Bobby|NNP ,|, when|WRB I|PRP as|IN a|DT child|NN I|PRP was|VBD told|VBN that|IN if|IN I|PRP made|VBD ugly|JJ faces|NNS ,|, it|PRP would|MD freeze|VB and|CC I|PRP would|MD stay|VB like|IN that|DT .|. "|'' 
Bobby|NNP looked|VBD up|RB and|CC replied|VBD ,|, "|'' Well|RB ,|, Ms.|NN Smith|NNP ,|, you|PRP ca|MD n't|RB say|VB you|PRP were|VBD n't|RB warned|VBN .|. "|'' 

