Eternal|NNP Truths|NNP Once|RB over|IN the|DT hill|NN ,|, you|PRP pick|VBP up|RB speed|NN .|. 
I|PRP love|VBP cooking|NN with|IN wine|NN .|. 
Sometimes|RB I|PRP even|RB put|VBP it|PRP in|IN the|DT food|NN .|. 
Whatever|WDT hits|VBZ the|DT fan|NN will|MD not|RB be|VB evenly|RB distributed|VBN .|. 
Everyone|NN has|VBZ a|DT photographic|JJ memory|NN .|. 
Some|DT just|RB do|VBP n't|RB have|VB film|NN .|. 
Dogs|NNS have|VBP owners|NNS .|. 
Cats|NNP have|VBP staff|NN .|. 
If|IN you|PRP 're|VBP too|RB open-minded|JJ ,|, your|PRP$ brains|NNS will|MD fall|VB out|RP .|. 
If|IN you|PRP must|MD choose|VB between|IN two|CD evils|NNS ,|, pick|VBP the|DT one|CD you|PRP 've|VBP never|RB tried|VBN before|RB .|. 
My|PRP$ idea|NN of|IN housework|NN is|VBZ to|TO sweep|VB the|DT room|NN with|IN a|DT glance|NN .|. 
Not|RB one|CD shred|NN of|IN evidence|NN supports|VBZ the|DT notion|NN that|DT life|NN is|VBZ serious|JJ .|. 
A|DT conscience|NN is|VBZ what|WP hurts|VBZ when|WRB all|DT your|PRP$ other|JJ parts|NNS feel|VBP so|RB good|JJ .|. 
A|DT balanced|JJ diet|NN is|VBZ a|DT cookie|NN in|IN each|DT hand|NN .|. 
Someone|NN who|WP thinks|VBZ logically|RB provides|VBZ a|DT nice|JJ contrast|NN to|TO the|DT real|JJ world|NN .|. 

Donkey|NNP Deep|JJ One|CD day|NN a|DT farmer|NN 's|POS donkey|NN fell|VBD down|RB into|IN a|DT well|RB .|. 
The|DT animal|NN cried|JJ piteously|RB for|IN hours|NNS as|IN the|DT farmer|NN tried|VBD to|TO figure|VB out|IN what|WP to|TO do|VB .|. 
Finally|RB ,|, he|PRP decided|VBD the|DT animal|NN was|VBD old|JJ and|CC the|DT well|NN needed|VBN to|TO be|VB covered|VBN up|RP anyway|RB ,|, so|IN it|PRP just|RB was|VBD n't|RB worth|JJ it|PRP to|TO retrieve|VB the|DT donkey|NN .|. 
He|PRP invited|VBD all|DT his|PRP$ neighbours|NNS to|TO come|VB over|RB and|CC help|VB him|PRP .|. 
They|PRP all|DT grabbed|VBD a|DT shovel|NN and|CC began|VBD to|TO shovel|NN dirt|NN into|IN the|DT well|NN .|. 
At|IN first|JJ ,|, the|DT donkey|NN realised|JJ what|WP was|VBD happening|VBG and|CC cried|JJ horribly|RB .|. 
Then|RB ,|, to|TO everyone|NN 's|POS amazement|NN ,|, he|PRP quieted|VBD down|RB .|. 
A|DT few|JJ shovel|NN loads|NNS later|RB ,|, the|DT farmer|NN finally|RB looked|VBD down|RP the|DT well|NN and|CC was|VBD astonished|JJ at|IN what|WP he|PRP saw|VBD .|. 
With|IN every|DT shovelful|JJ of|IN dirt|NN that|WDT hit|VBD his|PRP$ back|RB ,|, the|DT donkey|NN was|VBD doing|VBG something|NN amazing|JJ .|. 
He|PRP would|MD shake|VB it|PRP off|RP and|CC take|VB a|DT step|NN up|RB .|. 
As|IN the|DT farmer|NN 's|POS neighbours|NNS continued|VBD to|TO shovel|NN dirt|NN on|IN top|NN of|IN the|DT animal|NN ,|, he|PRP would|MD shake|VB it|PRP off|RP and|CC take|VB a|DT step|NN up|RB .|. 
Pretty|NNP soon|RB ,|, everyone|NN was|VBD amazed|VBN as|IN the|DT donkey|NN stepped|VBD up|RB over|IN the|DT edge|NN of|IN the|DT well|NN and|CC thoroughly|RB kicked|VBD the|DT guy|NN that|WDT tried|VBD to|TO bury|VB him|PRP before|IN trotting|VBG off|RP !|. 
Life|NNP is|VBZ going|VBG to|TO shovel|NN dirt|NN on|IN you|PRP ,|, all|DT kinds|NNS of|IN dirt|NN .|. 
The|DT trick|NN to|TO getting|VBG out|IN of|IN the|DT well|NN is|VBZ to|TO shake|VB it|PRP off|RP and|CC take|VB a|DT step|NN up|RB .|. 
Each|DT of|IN our|PRP$ troubles|NNS is|VBZ a|DT stepping|VBG stone|NN .|. 
We|PRP can|MD get|VB out|IN of|IN the|DT deepest|JJS wells|NNS just|RB by|IN not|RB stopping|VBG ,|, never|RB giving|VBG up|RP !|. 
Shake|NNP it|PRP off|RP and|CC take|VB a|DT step|NN up|RB !|. 
Moral|NNP :|: When|WRB you|PRP try|VBP to|TO cover|VB your|PRP$ ass|NNS ,|, it|PRP will|MD usually|RB come|VB back|RB to|TO get|VB you|PRP 

Good|NNP Advice|NNP :|: The|DT Japanese|JJ eat|VB very|RB little|RB fat|JJ and|CC suffer|VB fewer|JJR heart|NN attacks|NNS than|IN the|DT British|NNP or|CC Americans|NNPS .|. 
On|IN the|DT other|JJ hand|NN ,|, the|DT French|JJ eat|VB a|DT lot|NN of|IN fat|JJ and|CC also|RB suffer|VB fewer|JJR heart|NN attacks|NNS than|IN the|DT British|NNP or|CC Americans|NNPS .|. 
The|DT Japanese|JJ drink|NN very|RB little|RB red|JJ wine|NN and|CC suffer|VB fewer|JJR heart|NN attacks|NNS than|IN the|DT British|NNP or|CC Americans|NNPS .|. 
But|CC the|DT Italians|NNPS drink|NN excessive|JJ amounts|NNS of|IN red|JJ wine|NN and|CC also|RB suffer|VB fewer|JJR heart|NN attacks|NNS than|IN the|DT British|NNP or|CC Americans|NNPS .|. 
Conclusion|NNP :|: Eat|NNP and|CC drink|NN what|WP you|PRP like|VBP .|. 
It|PRP 's|VBZ speaking|VBG English|NNP that|WDT kills|VBZ you|PRP .|. 

Right|RB On|IN ….|. "|'' If|IN life|NN was|VBD fair|JJ ,|, Elvis|NNP would|MD be|VB alive|JJ and|CC all|PDT the|DT impersonators|NNS would|MD be|VB dead|JJ .|. "|'' 

Johnny|NNP Carson|NNP "|'' Bigamy|NNP is|VBZ having|VBG one|CD wife|NN /|NN husband|NN too|RB many|JJ .|. 
Monogamy|NNP is|VBZ the|DT same|JJ .|. "|'' 

Oscar|NNP Wilde|NNP "|'' When|WRB I|PRP die|VBP ,|, I|PRP want|VBP to|TO die|VB like|IN my|PRP$ grandfather|NN who|WP died|VBD peacefully|RB in|IN his|PRP$ sleep|NN .|. 
Not|RB yelling|VBG and|CC screaming|VBG like|IN all|PDT the|DT other|JJ passengers|NNS in|IN his|PRP$ car|NN .|. "|'' 

Jack|NNP Handy|NNP "|'' Instead|RB of|IN getting|VBG married|VBN again|RB ,|, I|PRP 'm|VBP just|RB going|VBG to|TO find|VB some|DT woman|NN I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB like|VB and|CC give|VB her|PRP$ a|DT house|NN .|. "|'' 
-|: Steven|NNP Seagal|NNP 
Advice|NNP for|IN the|DT day|NN :|: If|IN you|PRP have|VBP a|DT lot|NN of|IN tension|NN and|CC you|PRP get|VBP a|DT headache|NN ,|, do|VBP what|WP it|PRP says|VBZ on|IN the|DT aspirin|NN bottle|NN :|: "|'' Take|VB two|CD aspirin|NN "|'' and|CC "|'' Keep|VB away|RB from|IN children|NNS .|. "|'' 
-|: Roseanne|NNP 

Hot|NNP Air|NNP A|DT man|NN in|IN a|DT hot|JJ air|NN balloon|NN realized|VBD he|PRP was|VBD lost|VBN .|. 
He|PRP reduced|VBD altitude|NN and|CC spotted|VBD a|DT woman|NN below|IN .|. 
He|PRP descended|VBD a|DT bit|NN more|JJR and|CC shouted|VBD ,|, "|'' Excuse|NNP me|PRP ,|, can|MD you|PRP help|VB me|PRP ?|. 
I|PRP promised|VBD a|DT friend|NN I|PRP would|MD meet|VB him|PRP an|DT hour|NN ago|RB ,|, but|CC I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB know|VB where|WRB I|PRP am|VBP .|. "|'' 
The|DT woman|NN below|IN replied|VBD ,|, "|'' You|PRP 're|VBP in|IN a|DT hot|JJ air|NN balloon|NN hovering|VBG approximately|RB 30|CD feet|NNS above|IN the|DT ground|NN .|. 
You|PRP 're|VBP between|IN 40|CD and|CC 41|CD degrees|NNS north|RB latitude|NN and|CC between|IN 59|CD and|CC 60|CD degrees|NNS west|NN longitude|NN .|. "|'' 
"|'' You|PRP must|MD be|VB an|DT engineer|NN ,|, "|'' said|VBD the|DT balloonist|NN .|. 
"|'' I|PRP am|VBP ,|, "|'' replied|VBD the|DT woman|NN ,|, "|'' How|WRB did|VBD you|PRP know|VBP ?|. "|'' 
"|'' Well|RB ,|, "|'' answered|VBD the|DT balloonist|NN ,|, "|'' everything|NN you|PRP told|VBD me|PRP is|VBZ ,|, technically|RB correct|JJ ,|, but|CC I|PRP 've|VBP no|DT idea|NN what|WP to|TO make|NN of|IN your|PRP$ information|NN ,|, and|CC the|DT fact|NN is|VBZ I|PRP 'm|VBP still|RB lost|VBN .|. 
Frankly|RB ,|, you|PRP 've|VBP not|RB been|VBN much|JJ help|NN at|IN all|DT .|. 
If|IN anything|NN ,|, you|PRP 've|VBP delayed|VBN my|PRP$ trip|NN .|. "|'' 
The|DT woman|NN below|IN responded|VBD ,|, "|'' You|PRP must|MD be|VB in|IN Management|NNP .|. "|'' 
"|'' I|PRP am|VBP ,|, "|'' replied|VBD the|DT balloonist|NN ,|, "|'' but|CC how|WRB did|VBD you|PRP know|VBP ?|. "|'' 
"|'' Well|RB ,|, "|'' said|VBD the|DT woman|NN ,|, "|'' you|PRP do|VBP n't|RB know|VB where|WRB you|PRP are|VBP or|CC where|WRB you|PRP 're|VBP going|VBG .|. 
You|PRP have|VBP risen|VBN to|TO where|WRB you|PRP are|VBP due|JJ to|TO a|DT large|JJ quantity|NN of|IN hot|JJ air|NN .|. 
You|PRP made|VBD a|DT promise|NN that|IN you|PRP 've|VBP no|DT idea|NN how|WRB to|TO keep|VB ,|, and|CC you|PRP expect|VBP people|NNS beneath|IN you|PRP to|TO solve|VB your|PRP$ problems|NNS .|. 
The|DT fact|NN is|VBZ you|PRP are|VBP in|IN exactly|RB the|DT same|JJ position|NN you|PRP were|VBD in|IN before|IN we|PRP met|VBD ,|, but|CC now|RB ,|, somehow|RB ,|, it|PRP 's|VBZ my|PRP$ fault|NN .|. "|'' 

Handey|NNP Hint|NNP The|DT face|NN of|IN a|DT child|NN can|MD say|VB it|PRP all|DT ,|, especially|RB the|DT mouth|NN part|NN of|IN the|DT face|NN .|. "|'' 
-|: Jack|NNP Handey|NNP 

Efficiency|NNP "|'' I|PRP just|RB bought|VBD a|DT microwave|NN fireplace|NN ...|... 
You|PRP can|MD spend|VB a|DT whole|JJ evening|NN in|IN front|NN of|IN it|PRP in|IN only|RB eight|CD minutes|NNS .|. "|'' 
-|: Steven|NNP Wright|NNP 

Wrong|JJ Tune|NNP A|DT guy|NN walks|VBZ into|IN a|DT bar|NN with|IN a|DT small|JJ dog|NN .|. 
The|DT bartender|NN says|VBZ ,|, "|'' Get|VB out|IN of|IN here|RB with|IN that|DT dog|NN !|. "|'' 
The|DT guy|NN says|VBZ ,|, "|'' But|CC this|DT is|VBZ n't|RB just|RB any|DT dog|NN ...|... 
this|DT dog|NN can|MD play|VB the|DT piano|NN !|. "|'' 
The|DT bartender|NN replies|VBZ ,|, "|'' Well|RB ,|, if|IN he|PRP can|MD play|VB that|DT piano|NN ,|, you|PRP both|DT can|MD stay|VB ...|... and|CC have|VBP a|DT drink|NN on|IN the|DT house|NN !|. "|'' 
So|IN the|DT guy|NN sits|VBZ the|DT dog|NN at|IN the|DT piano|NN ,|, and|CC the|DT dog|NN starts|VBZ playing|VBG ragtime|NN ,|, a|DT little|JJ swing|NN ,|, some|DT Gershwin|NNP .|. 
The|DT bartender|NN is|VBZ amazed|VBN and|CC patrons|NNS are|VBP enjoying|VBG the|DT music|NN when|WRB suddenly|RB a|DT bigger|JJR dog|NN runs|VBZ in|IN ,|, grabs|NNS the|DT small|JJ dog|NN by|IN the|DT scruff|NN of|IN the|DT neck|NN ,|, and|CC drags|VBZ him|PRP out|RP .|. 
The|DT bartender|NN asks|VBZ the|DT guy|NN ,|, "|'' What|WP was|VBD that|IN all|DT about|RP ?|. "|'' 
The|DT guy|NN replies|VBZ ,|, "|'' Oh|UH ,|, that|WDT was|VBD his|PRP$ mother|NN .|. 
She|PRP wants|VBZ him|PRP to|TO be|VB a|DT doctor|NN .|. "|'' 

Wired|NNP Then|RB there|EX was|VBD the|DT Indian|JJ chief|JJ who|WP installed|VBD electric|JJ lights|NNS in|IN the|DT tribal|NN latrine|NN ,|, and|CC thus|RB became|VBD the|DT first|JJ Indian|JJ to|TO wire|VB a|DT head|NN for|IN a|DT reservation|NN .|. 

Dead|NNP Right|RB A|DT hospital|NN posted|VBD a|DT notice|NN in|IN the|DT nurses|NNS '|POS station|NN saying|VBG :|: "|'' Remember|VB ,|, the|DT first|JJ five|CD minutes|NNS of|IN a|DT human|JJ being|NN 's|POS life|NN are|VBP the|DT most|RBS dangerous|JJ .|. "|'' 
And|CC written|VBN underneath|IN was|VBD ,|, "|'' The|DT last|JJ few|JJ are|VBP pretty|RB risky|JJ ,|, too|RB ....|. "|'' 

It|PRP Ai|NNP n't|RB Fair|NNP I|PRP 've|VBP never|RB understood|VBN why|WRB women|NNS love|VBP cats|NNS .|. 
Cats|NNP are|VBP independent|JJ ,|, they|PRP do|VBP n't|RB listen|VB ,|, they|PRP do|VBP n't|RB come|VB in|IN when|WRB you|PRP call|VBP ,|, they|PRP like|VBP to|TO stay|VB out|RP all|DT night|NN ,|, and|CC when|WRB they|PRP are|VBP home|RB they|PRP either|CC want|VBP to|TO be|VB left|VBN alone|RB and|CC sleep|VB ,|, or|CC they|PRP want|VBP to|TO eat|VB .|. 
In|IN other|JJ words|NNS ,|, all|PDT those|DT things|NNS that|IN women|NNS hate|VBP in|IN a|DT man|NN ,|, they|PRP love|VBP in|IN a|DT cat|NN .|. 

Too|RB Fly|VB Two|CD caterpillars|NNS are|VBP sitting|VBG on|IN a|DT leaf|NN when|WRB a|DT butterfly|NN zooms|NNS by|IN ,|, startling|JJ them|PRP .|. 
One|CD turns|VBZ to|TO the|DT other|JJ and|CC says|VBZ ,|, "|'' Boy|NNP ,|, you|PRP 'll|MD never|RB get|VB ME|NNP up|RB in|IN one|CD of|IN them|PRP things|NNS .|. "|'' 

Give|VB it|PRP Eleven|CD "|'' The|DT English|NNP are|VBP not|RB very|RB spiritual|NN people|NNS ,|, so|IN they|PRP invented|VBD cricket|NN to|TO give|VB themselves|PRP some|DT idea|NN of|IN eternity|NN .|. "|'' 
-|: George|NNP Bernard|NNP Shaw|NNP 

How|WRB 's|VBZ That|DT ?|. There|EX are|VBP some|DT people|NNS so|RB addicted|VBN to|TO exaggeration|NN that|IN they|PRP ca|MD n't|RB even|RB tell|VB the|DT truth|NN without|IN lying|VBG .|. "|'' 
--|: Josh|NNP Billings|NNS 

Dig|NNP this|DT …|NN "|'' I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB see|VB why|WRB they|PRP say|VBP marriage|NN is|VBZ the|DT pits|NNS -|: all|DT my|PRP$ marriages|NNS have|VBP worked|VBN fine|NN .|. "|'' 
(|( Unknown|JJ )|) 
Mom|NN says|VBZ ….|. "|'' Every|DT teenager|NN should|MD get|VB a|DT good|JJ high|JJ school|NN education|NN ;|: even|RB if|IN they|PRP already|RB know|VBP everything|NN .|. "|'' 

Right|RB on|RB ,|, Dad|NNP .|. "|'' I|PRP told|VBD him|PRP ,|, '|'' Son|NNP ,|, what|WP is|VBZ it|PRP with|IN you|PRP ?|. 
Is|VBZ it|PRP ignorance|NN or|CC apathy|NN ?|. '|POS 
He|PRP said|VBD ,|, "|'' Man|NN ,|, I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB know|VB and|CC I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB care|VB .|. "|'' 

Revelation|NNP or|CC Evolution|NNP One|CD day|NN ,|, an|DT ape|NN escaped|VBD from|IN the|DT Zoo|NNP .|. 
They|PRP searched|VBD for|IN him|PRP everywhere|RB in|IN every|DT district|NN .|. 
They|PRP announced|VBD his|PRP$ disappearance|NN on|IN the|DT radio|NN and|CC television|NN as|RB well|RB as|IN in|IN the|DT newspapers|NNS ,|, but|CC no|DT one|CD reported|VBD seeing|VBG the|DT ape|NN .|. 
At|IN last|JJ ,|, the|DT ape|NN was|VBD found|VBN in|IN the|DT Public|NNP Library|NNP .|. 
Officials|NNS of|IN the|DT zoo|NN and|CC the|DT animal|NN keepers|NNS were|VBD summoned|VBN to|TO the|DT library|NN .|. 
They|PRP found|VBD the|DT ape|NN sitting|VBG at|IN a|DT desk|NN in|IN the|DT reading|NN room|NN with|IN two|CD books|NNS spread|VBP out|IN in|IN front|NN of|IN him|PRP .|. 
The|DT ape|NN was|VBD reading|VBG with|IN great|JJ concentration|NN .|. 
One|CD book|NN was|VBD the|DT Bible|NNP ;|: the|DT other|JJ was|VBD a|DT book|NN written|VBN by|IN Darwin|NNP .|. 
When|WRB the|DT zookeepers|NNS asked|VBD the|DT ape|NN what|WP he|PRP was|VBD doing|VBG ,|, the|DT ape|NN replied|VBD ,|, "|'' I|PRP 'm|VBP trying|VBG to|TO figure|VB out|IN whether|IN I|PRP am|VBP my|PRP$ brother|NN 's|POS keeper|NN or|CC my|PRP$ keeper|NN 's|POS brother|NN .|. "|'' 

Stretched|NNP Truth|NNP .|. Two|CD guys|NNS who|WP worked|VBD together|RB were|VBD both|DT laid|VBN off|RP ,|, so|RB off|IN they|PRP went|VBD to|TO the|DT unemployment|NN office|NN .|. 
When|WRB asked|VBD his|PRP$ occupation|NN ,|, the|DT first|JJ guy|NN said|VBD ,|, "|'' Panty|NNP stitcher|NN ...|... 
I|PRP sew|VB the|DT elastic|JJ onto|IN women|NNS 's|POS panties|NNS .|. "|'' 
The|DT clerk|NN looked|VBD up|RB panty|NN stitcher|NN .|. 
Finding|VBG it|PRP classed|VBN as|IN unskilled|JJ labor|NN ,|, she|PRP gave|VBD him|PRP $300|NN a|DT week|NN unemployment|NN pay|NN .|. 
The|DT second|JJ guy|NN was|VBD asked|VBN his|PRP$ occupation|NN .|. 
"|'' Diesel|NNP fitter|NN ,|, "|'' he|PRP replied|VBD .|. 
Diesel|NNP fitter|NN is|VBZ listed|VBN as|IN a|DT skilled|JJ job|NN ,|, so|IN the|DT clerk|NN gave|VBD the|DT second|JJ guy|NN $600|NN a|DT week|NN .|. 
When|WRB the|DT first|JJ guy|NN found|VBD out|IN he|PRP was|VBD furious|JJ .|. 
He|PRP stormed|VBD into|IN the|DT office|NN to|TO find|VB out|IN why|WRB his|PRP$ friend|NN and|CC co-worker|JJ was|VBD collecting|VBG double|JJ his|PRP$ pay|NN .|. 
The|DT clerk|NN explained|VBD ,|, "|'' Panty|NNP stitchers|NNS are|VBP unskilled|JJ ,|, but|CC diesel|NN fitters|NNS are|VBP skilled|JJ labor|NN .|. "|'' 
"|'' What|WP skill|NN ?|. !|. "|'' yelled|VBD the|DT panty|NN stitcher|NN .|. 
"|'' I|PRP sew|VB the|DT elastic|JJ on|IN and|CC then|RB he|PRP stretches|VBZ it|PRP out|IN tight|JJ and|CC decides|VBZ ,|, Yep|NNP ,|, dese|NN 'll|MD fit|VB '|POS er|UH .|. "|'' 

Unsettled|NNP !|. "|'' A|DT bachelor|NN is|VBZ a|DT selfish|JJ ,|, undeserving|VBG guy|NN who|WP has|VBZ cheated|VBD some|DT woman|NN out|IN of|IN a|DT divorce|NN .|. "|'' 
Don|NNP Quinn|NNP 

Peace|NNP Insurance|NNP Getting|VBG away|RB from|IN their|PRP$ high-stress|JJ work|NN ,|, a|DT couple|NN spend|VB relaxing|VBG weekends|NNS in|IN their|PRP$ motor|NN home|NN .|. 
Finding|VBG their|PRP$ peace|NN and|CC quiet|JJ disturbed|VBN by|IN well-meaning|JJ ,|, but|CC unwelcome|JJ ,|, visits|NNS from|IN other|JJ campers|NNS ,|, they|PRP devised|VBD a|DT plan|NN to|TO assure|VB themselves|PRP some|DT privacy|NN .|. 
Now|RB ,|, when|WRB they|PRP set|VBD up|RP camp|NN ,|, they|PRP place|VBP this|DT sign|NN on|IN the|DT door|NN of|IN their|PRP$ RV|NN :|: "|'' Insurance|NNP agent|NN .|. 
Ask|VB about|IN our|PRP$ whole|JJ of|IN life|NN package|NN .|. "|'' 

Detail|NNP A|DT man|NN walked|VBD by|IN a|DT table|NN in|IN a|DT hotel|NN and|CC noticed|VBD three|CD men|NNS and|CC a|DT dog|NN playing|VBG cards|NNS .|. 
The|DT dog|NN was|VBD exhibiting|VBG an|DT extraordinary|JJ performance|NN .|. 
"|'' That|DT is|VBZ one|CD smart|JJ dog|NN ,|, "|'' the|DT man|NN commented|VBD .|. 
"|'' He|PRP 's|VBZ not|RB that|IN smart|JJ ,|, "|'' said|VBD one|CD of|IN the|DT losing|VBG players|NNS .|. 
"|'' Every|DT time|NN he|PRP gets|VBZ a|DT good|JJ hand|NN he|PRP wags|NNS his|PRP$ tail|NN .|. "|'' 

Sounds|VBZ Fine|NNP to|TO me|PRP ….|NN "|'' What|WP am|VBP I|PRP supposed|VBD to|TO do|VB with|IN this|DT ?|. "|'' grumbled|VBD a|DT motorist|NN as|IN the|DT policeman|NN handed|VBD him|PRP a|DT speeding|VBG ticket|NN .|. 
"|'' Keep|VB it|PRP ,|, "|'' the|DT cop|NN said|VBD ,|, "|'' then|RB when|WRB you|PRP 've|VBP collected|VBN four|CD of|IN them|PRP you|PRP get|VBP a|DT bicycle|NN .|. "|'' 

Going|VBG ,|, going|VBG Bidding|NN at|IN a|DT local|JJ auction|NN was|VBD proceeding|VBG furiously|RB when|WRB the|DT auctioneer|NN suddenly|RB announced|VBD ,|, "|'' A|DT gentleman|NN in|IN this|DT room|NN has|VBZ lost|VBN a|DT wallet|NN containing|VBG $10,000|NN .|. 
He|PRP says|VBZ that|IN if|IN it|PRP is|VBZ returned|VBN ,|, he|PRP will|MD pay|VB a|DT reward|NN of|IN $|$ 2,000|CD .|. "|'' 
There|EX was|VBD a|DT moment|NN 's|POS silence|NN ,|, and|CC then|RB from|IN the|DT back|NN of|IN the|DT room|NN came|VBD the|DT cry|NN ,|, "|'' Two|CD ,|, five|CD !|. "|'' 

No|DT Sweat|NNP This|DT guy|NN says|VBZ to|TO his|PRP$ buddy|NN ,|, "|'' You|PRP 'll|MD never|RB believe|VB what|WP happened|VBN last|JJ night|NN .|. "|'' 
His|PRP$ buddy|NN says|VBZ ,|, "|'' Well|RB then|RB ,|, tell|VB me|PRP what|WP happened|VBD .|. "|'' 
The|DT guy|NN says|VBZ ,|, "|'' Last|JJ night|NN the|DT doorbell|NN rang|VBD ,|, and|CC when|WRB I|PRP opened|VBD the|DT door|NN ,|, there|EX was|VBD my|PRP$ ex-mother-in-law|JJ on|IN the|DT front|JJ porch|NN .|. "|'' 
She|PRP said|VBD ,|, "|'' Can|MD I|PRP stay|VB here|RB for|IN a|DT few|JJ days|NNS ?|. "|'' 
I|PRP said|VBD ,|, "|'' Sure|RB ,|, of|IN course|NN you|PRP can|MD ,|, "|'' and|CC shut|VBD the|DT door|NN .|. 

Sid|NNP Said|VBD "|'' The|DT guy|NN who|WP invented|VBD the|DT first|JJ wheel|NN was|VBD an|DT idiot|NN .|. 
The|DT guy|NN who|WP invented|VBD the|DT other|JJ three|CD ,|, HE|PRP was|VBD a|DT genius|NN .|. "|'' 
-|: Sid|NNP Caesar|NNP 
Fact|NNP and|CC Fallacy|NNP Actions|NNP speak|VB louder|JJR than|IN words|NNS but|CC the|DT pen|NN is|VBZ mightier|NN than|IN the|DT sword|NN .|. 
Look|VB before|IN you|PRP leap|VBP because|IN he|PRP who|WP hesitates|NNS is|VBZ lost|VBN .|. 
Many|JJ hands|NNS make|VBP light|JJ work|NN while|IN too|RB many|JJ cooks|NNS spoil|VBP the|DT broth|NN .|. 
Do|VBP n't|RB judge|VB a|DT book|NN by|IN its|PRP$ cover|NN because|IN clothes|NNS maketh|NN the|DT man|NN .|. 
Nothing|NN ventured|JJ ,|, nothing|NN gained|VBD ,|, is|VBZ better|RBR safe|JJ than|IN sorry|JJ .|. 
The|DT bigger|JJR ,|, the|DT better|JJR and|CC the|DT best|JJS things|NNS come|VBP in|IN small|JJ packages|NNS .|. 
Absence|NNP makes|VBZ the|DT heart|NN grow|VB fonder|NN ,|, out|IN of|IN sight|NN ,|, out|IN of|IN mind|NN .|. 
Life|NNP is|VBZ what|WP you|PRP make|VBP it|PRP ,|, so|RB what|WP ever|RB will|MD be|VB ,|, will|MD be|VB .|. 
Forewarned|NNP is|VBZ forearmed|JJ so|RB cross|NN your|PRP$ bridges|NNS when|WRB you|PRP come|VBP to|TO them|PRP .|. 
What|WP 's|VBZ good|JJ for|IN the|DT goose|NN is|VBZ good|JJ for|IN the|DT gander|NN but|CC one|CD man|NN 's|POS meat|NN is|VBZ another|DT man|NN 's|POS poison|NN .|. 
With|IN age|NN comes|VBZ wisdom|NN and|CC out|IN of|IN the|DT mouths|NNS of|IN babes|NNS come|VBP all|DT wise|JJ sayings|NNS .|. 
Two|CD 's|POS company|NN ,|, three|CD 's|VBZ a|DT crowd|NN ,|, the|DT more|JJR ,|, the|DT merrier|NN ,|, but|CC take|VB no|DT thought|VBD for|IN tomorrow|NN because|IN a|DT stitch|NN in|IN time|NN saves|VBZ nine|CD !|. 

A|DT Different|NNP Slant|NNP …..|NN The|DT Italian|JJ government|NN is|VBZ considering|VBG installing|VBG a|DT clock|NN in|IN the|DT Leaning|NNP Tower|NNP of|IN Pisa|NNP because|IN ,|, "|'' What|WP good|NN is|VBZ it|PRP to|TO have|VB the|DT inclination|NN if|IN you|PRP do|VBP n't|RB have|VB the|DT time|NN ?|. "|'' 

Two|CD rules|NNS for|IN life|NN :|: 1|CD .|. Do|VBP n't|RB tell|VB people|NNS everything|NN you|PRP know|VBP .|. 
2|CD .|. 

For|IN Thought|NNP "|'' Misers|NNP are|VBP n't|RB much|JJ fun|NN to|TO live|VB with|IN ,|, but|CC they|PRP do|VBP make|VB wonderful|JJ ancestors|NNS .|. "|'' 
-|: David|NNP Brenner|NNP 
One|CD Way|NN To|TO Get|VB It|PRP In|IN The|DT Neck|NNP ……|. "|'' Most|JJS people|NNS are|VBP pretty|RB scared|VBN of|IN werewolves|NNS ,|, but|CC I|PRP bet|VBD if|IN you|PRP saw|VBD one|CD crying|VBG because|IN the|DT other|JJ wolves|NNS had|VBD made|VBN fun|NN of|IN him|PRP ,|, you|PRP 'd|MD be|VB like|IN me|PRP and|CC would|MD probably|RB feel|VB sorry|JJ for|IN him|PRP and|CC try|VB to|TO pet|NN him|PRP .|. "|'' 
"|'' That|DT was|VBD my|PRP$ first|JJ mistake|NN .|. "|'' 
--|: Unknown|JJ 

Under|IN Done|NNP Did|VBD you|PRP hear|VBP about|IN the|DT cheap|JJ skate|NN vampire|NN hunter|NN ?|. 
He|PRP tried|VBD to|TO kill|VB a|DT vampire|NN by|IN driving|VBG a|DT pork|NN chop|VB through|IN its|PRP$ heart|NN because|IN steaks|NNS were|VBD too|RB expensive|JJ .|. 

Eloquence|NNP A|DT distinguished|JJ clergyman|NN and|CC a|DT friend|NN were|VBD playing|VBG golf|NN .|. 
It|PRP was|VBD a|DT very|RB close|NN match|VB ,|, and|CC at|IN the|DT last|JJ hole|NN the|DT two|CD were|VBD only|RB one|CD stroke|NN apart|RB .|. 
The|DT clergyman|NN teed|JJ up|RB ,|, addressed|VBD the|DT ball|NN ,|, and|CC swung|VBD his|PRP$ driver|NN with|IN great|JJ force|NN ...|... 
slicing|VBG the|DT ball|NN deep|JJ into|IN the|DT woods|NNS .|. 
The|DT clergyman|NN glared|JJ ,|, and|CC bit|NN his|PRP$ lip|NN while|IN his|PRP$ face|NN turned|VBD crimson|JJ ,|, but|CC said|VBD nothing|NN .|. 
His|PRP$ opponent|NN watched|VBD him|PRP for|IN a|DT while|NN and|CC then|RB remarked|VBD ,|, "|'' Reverend|NNP ,|, that|DT 's|VBZ the|DT most|JJS profane|NN silence|NN I|PRP have|VBP ever|RB heard|VBN .|. "|'' 

Child|NNP Psychology|NNP A|DT teen-aged|JJ boy|NN with|IN spiked|JJ hair|NN ,|, nose|NN ring|NN and|CC baggy|NN clothes|NNS was|VBD overheard|NN telling|VBG a|DT friend|NN ,|, "|'' I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB really|RB like|IN to|TO dress|VB like|IN this|DT ,|, but|CC it|PRP keeps|VBZ my|PRP$ parents|NNS from|IN dragging|VBG me|PRP everywhere|RB with|IN them|PRP .|. "|'' 

Imprinting|NNP Deep|JJ within|IN a|DT forest|NN a|DT little|JJ turtle|NN began|VBD to|TO climb|VB a|DT tree|NN .|. 
After|IN hours|NNS of|IN effort|NN he|PRP reached|VBD the|DT top|NN ,|, jumped|VBD into|IN the|DT air|NN waving|VBG his|PRP$ front|JJ legs|NNS and|CC crashed|VBD to|TO the|DT ground|NN .|. 
After|IN recovering|VBG ,|, he|PRP slowly|RB climbed|VBD the|DT tree|NN again|RB ,|, jumped|VBD ,|, and|CC fell|VBD to|TO the|DT ground|NN .|. 
The|DT turtle|NN tried|VBD again|RB and|CC again|RB while|IN a|DT couple|NN of|IN birds|NNS sitting|VBG on|IN a|DT branch|NN watched|VBD his|PRP$ sad|JJ efforts|NNS .|. 
Finally|RB ,|, the|DT female|JJ bird|NN turned|VBD to|TO her|PRP$ mate|NN .|. 
"|'' Dear|RB ,|, "|'' she|PRP chirped|JJ ,|, "|'' I|PRP really|RB do|VBP think|VBP it|PRP 's|VBZ time|NN to|TO tell|VB him|PRP he|PRP was|VBD adopted|VBN .|. "|'' 

Quickies|NNP "|'' I|PRP know|VBP what|WP men|NNS want|VBP .|. 
Men|NN want|VBP to|TO be|VB really|RB ,|, really|RB close|RB to|TO someone|NN who|WP will|MD leave|VB them|PRP alone|RB .|. "|'' 
--|: Elayne|NNP Boosle|NNP 
"|'' Men|NN who|WP have|VBP pierced|JJ ears|NNS are|VBP better|RBR prepared|JJ for|IN marriage|NN .|. 
They|PRP 've|VBP experienced|VBN pain|NN and|CC bought|VBD jewellery|NN .|. "|'' 
-|: Unknown|JJ 
"|'' Remember|VB that|IN as|IN a|DT teenager|NN you|PRP are|VBP in|IN the|DT last|JJ stage|NN of|IN your|PRP$ life|NN in|IN which|WDT you|PRP will|MD be|VB happy|JJ to|TO hear|VB that|IN the|DT phone|NN is|VBZ for|IN you|PRP .|. "|'' 
-|: Fran|NNP Lebowitz|NNP 

Sounds|VBZ Reasonable|JJ to|TO Me|PRP What|WP did|VBD the|DT mama|NN buffalo|NN say|VBP to|TO the|DT little|JJ buffalo|NN when|WRB he|PRP went|VBD off|IN to|TO college|NN ?|. 
"|'' Bison|NNP .|. "|'' 

