I|PRP Do|VBP n't|RB Want|NNP to|TO Scare|NNP You|PRP The|DT little|JJ boy|NN was|VBD n't|RB getting|VBG good|JJ marks|NNS in|IN school|NN .|. 
One|CD day|NN he|PRP made|VBD the|DT teacher|NN quite|RB surprised|VBD .|. 
He|PRP tapped|VBD her|PRP on|IN the|DT shoulder|NN and|CC said|VBD ...|... 
"|'' I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB want|VB to|TO scare|VB you|PRP ,|, but|CC my|PRP$ daddy|NN says|VBZ if|IN I|PRP do|VBP n't|RB get|VB better|JJR grades|NNS ...|... 
somebody|NN is|VBZ going|VBG to|TO get|VB a|DT spanking|NN ...|... 
"|'' 
Cat|NNP Proverbs|NNS "|'' Managing|NNP senior|JJ programmers|NNS is|VBZ like|IN herding|VBG cats|NNS .|. "|'' 
--|: Dave|NNP Platt|NNP "|'' There|EX is|VBZ no|DT snooze|NN button|NN on|IN a|DT cat|NN who|WP wants|VBZ breakfast|NN .|. "|'' 
--|: Unknown|JJ "|'' Thousands|NNS of|IN years|NNS ago|RB ,|, cats|NNS were|VBD worshipped|JJ as|IN gods|NNS .|. 
Cats|NNP have|VBP never|RB forgotten|VBN this|DT .|. "|'' 
--|: Anonymous|NNP "|'' Cats|NNP are|VBP smarter|RBR than|IN dogs|NNS .|. 
You|PRP ca|MD n't|RB get|VB eight|CD cats|NNS to|TO pull|VB a|DT sleigh|NN through|IN snow|NN .|. "|'' 
--|: Jeff|NNP Valdez|NNP "|'' In|IN a|DT cat|NN 's|POS eye|NN ,|, all|DT things|NNS belong|VBP to|TO cats|NNS .|. "|'' 
--|: English|NNP proverb|NN "|'' As|IN every|DT cat|NN owner|NN knows|VBZ ,|, nobody|NN owns|VBZ a|DT cat|NN .|. "|'' 
--|: Ellen|NNP Perry|NNP Berkeley|NNP "|'' One|CD cat|NN just|RB leads|VBZ to|TO another|DT .|. "|'' 
--|: Ernest|NNP Hemingway|NNP "|'' Dogs|NNS come|VBP when|WRB they|PRP 're|VBP called|VBN ;|: cats|NNS take|VBP a|DT message|NN and|CC get|VB back|RB to|TO you|PRP later|RB .|. "|'' 
--|: Mary|NNP Bly|NNP "|'' Cats|NNP are|VBP rather|RB delicate|JJ creatures|NNS and|CC they|PRP are|VBP subject|JJ to|TO a|DT good|JJ many|JJ ailments|NNS ,|, but|CC I|PRP never|RB heard|VBD of|IN one|CD who|WP suffered|VBD from|IN insomnia|NN .|. "|'' 
--|: Joseph|NNP Wood|NNP Krutch|NNP "|'' People|NNS who|WP hate|VBP cats|NNS ,|, will|MD come|VB back|RB as|IN mice|NNS in|IN their|PRP$ next|JJ life|NN .|. "|'' 

A|DT Dog|NNP Named|VBN Mace|NNP A|DT mechanic|JJ who|WP worked|VBD out|IN of|IN his|PRP$ home|NN had|VBD a|DT dog|NN named|VBD Mace|NNP .|. 
Mace|NNP had|VBD a|DT bad|JJ habit|NN of|IN eating|VBG all|PDT the|DT grass|NN in|IN the|DT mechanic|JJ 's|POS lawn|NN ,|, so|IN the|DT mechanic|JJ had|VBD to|TO keep|VB Mace|NNP inside|IN .|. 
The|DT grass|NN eventually|RB became|VBD overgrown|NN .|. 
One|CD day|NN the|DT mechanic|JJ was|VBD working|VBG on|IN a|DT car|NN in|IN his|PRP$ back|RB yard|NN and|CC dropped|VBD his|PRP$ wrench|NN losing|VBG it|PRP in|IN the|DT tall|JJ grass|NN .|. 
He|PRP could|MD n't|RB find|VB it|PRP for|IN the|DT life|NN of|IN him|PRP ,|, so|RB decided|VBD to|TO call|VB it|PRP a|DT day|NN .|. 
That|DT night|NN Mace|NNP escaped|VBD from|IN the|DT house|NN and|CC ate|VBD all|PDT the|DT grass|NN in|IN the|DT back|NN yard|NN .|. 
The|DT next|JJ morning|NN the|DT mechanic|JJ went|VBD outside|IN and|CC saw|VBD his|PRP$ wrench|NN glinting|VBG in|IN the|DT sunlight|NN .|. 
Realizing|NNP what|WP had|VBD happened|VBN he|PRP looked|VBD up|RP the|DT the|DT heavens|NNS and|CC proclaimed|VBD ......|. "|'' A|DT grazing|NN Mace|NNP ,|, how|WRB sweet|JJ the|DT hound|NN that|WDT saved|VBD a|DT wrench|NN for|IN me|PRP !|. "|'' 

The|DT Facts|NNP Of|IN Life|NNP *|NN The|DT 2|CD most|RBS common|JJ elements|NNS in|IN the|DT universe|NN are|VBP hydrogen|NN and|CC stupidity|NN .|. 
*|NN If|IN at|IN first|JJ you|PRP do|VBP n't|RB succeed|VB ,|, skydiving|VBG is|VBZ not|RB for|IN you|PRP .|. 
*|NN Money|NNP ca|MD n't|RB buy|VB happiness|NN ...|... 
But|CC it|PRP sure|JJ makes|VBZ misery|NN easier|JJR to|TO live|VB with|IN .|. 
*|NN Psychiatrists|NNP say|VBP that|IN 1|CD of|IN 4|CD people|NNS are|VBP mentally|RB ill|JJ .|. 
Check|VB 3|CD friends|NNS .|. 
If|IN they|PRP 're|VBP OK|JJ ,|, you|PRP 're|VBP it|PRP .|. 
*|NN Nothing|NN in|IN the|DT known|JJ universe|NN travels|VBZ faster|RBR than|IN a|DT bad|JJ check|NN .|. 
*|NN A|DT truly|RB wise|JJ man|NN never|RB plays|VBZ leapfrog|VB with|IN a|DT unicorn|NN .|. 
*|NN It|PRP has|VBZ recently|RB been|VBN discovered|VBN that|IN research|NN causes|NNS cancer|NN in|IN rats|NNS .|. 
*|NN Always|RB remember|VB to|TO pillage|NN BEFORE|NNP you|PRP burn|VBP .|. 
*|NN If|IN you|PRP are|VBP given|VBN an|DT open-book|JJ exam|NN ,|, you|PRP will|MD forget|VB your|PRP$ book|NN .|. 
COROLLARY|NNP :|: If|IN you|PRP are|VBP given|VBN a|DT take-home|JJ test|NN ,|, you|PRP will|MD forget|VB where|WRB you|PRP live|VBP .|. 
*|NN The|DT trouble|NN with|IN doing|VBG something|NN right|NN the|DT first|JJ time|NN is|VBZ that|DT nobody|NN appreciates|VBZ how|WRB difficult|JJ it|PRP was|VBD .|. 
*|NN It|PRP may|MD be|VB that|IN your|PRP$ sole|JJ purpose|NN in|IN life|NN is|VBZ simply|RB to|TO serve|VB as|IN a|DT warning|NN to|TO others|NNS .|. 
*|NN Paul|NNP 's|POS Law|NNP :|: You|PRP ca|MD n't|RB fall|VB off|IN the|DT floor|NN .|. 
*|NN Paranoids|NNP are|VBP people|NNS ,|, too|RB ;|: they|PRP have|VBP their|PRP$ own|JJ problems|NNS .|. 
It|PRP 's|VBZ easy|JJ to|TO criticize|VB ,|, but|CC if|IN everybody|NN hated|VBN you|PRP ,|, you|PRP 'd|MD be|VB paranoid|JJ ,|, too|RB .|. 
*|NN A|DT diplomat|NN is|VBZ someone|NN who|WP can|MD tell|VB you|PRP to|TO go|VB to|TO hell|NN and|CC make|VB you|PRP feel|VBP happy|JJ to|TO be|VB on|IN your|PRP$ way|NN .|. 
*|NN Vital|NNP papers|NNS will|MD demonstrate|VB their|PRP$ vitality|NN by|IN moving|VBG from|IN where|WRB you|PRP left|VBD them|PRP to|TO where|WRB you|PRP ca|MD n't|RB find|VB them|PRP .|. 
*|NN Law|NNP of|IN Probability|NNP Dispersal|NNP :|: Whatever|WDT it|PRP is|VBZ that|IN hits|VBZ the|DT fan|NN will|MD not|RB be|VB evenly|RB distributed|VBN .|. 

Wise|NNP Investing|VBG A|DT young|JJ man|NN asked|VBD an|DT old|JJ rich|JJ man|NN how|WRB he|PRP made|VBD his|PRP$ money|NN .|. 
The|DT old|JJ guy|NN fingered|VBN his|PRP$ worsted|JJ wool|NN vest|NN and|CC said|VBD ,|, "|'' Well|RB ,|, son|NN ,|, it|PRP was|VBD 1932|CD .|. 
The|DT depth|NN of|IN the|DT Great|NNP Depression|NNP .|. 
I|PRP was|VBD down|RB to|TO my|PRP$ last|JJ nickel|NN .|. 
I|PRP invested|VBD that|DT nickel|NN in|IN an|DT apple|NN .|. 
I|PRP spent|VBD the|DT entire|JJ day|NN polishing|VBG|NN the|DT apple|NN and|CC ,|, at|IN the|DT end|NN of|IN the|DT day|NN ,|, I|PRP sold|VBD the|DT apple|NN for|IN ten|CD cents|NNS .|. 
The|DT next|JJ morning|NN ,|, I|PRP invested|VBD those|DT ten|CD cents|NNS in|IN two|CD apples|NNS .|. 
I|PRP spent|VBD the|DT entire|JJ day|NN polishing|VBG|NN them|PRP and|CC sold|VBD them|PRP at|IN 5:00|NN pm|NN for|IN 20|CD cents|NNS .|. 
I|PRP continued|VBD this|DT system|NN for|IN a|DT month|NN ,|, by|IN the|DT end|NN of|IN which|WDT I|PRP 'd|MD accumulated|VBN a|DT fortune|NN of|IN $1.37|NN .|. 
Then|RB my|PRP$ wife|NN 's|POS father|NN died|VBD and|CC left|VBD us|PRP two|CD million|CD dollars|NNS .|. "|'' 

The|DT New|NNP Hunter|NNP It|PRP was|VBD Saturday|NNP morning|NN as|IN Jake|NNP ,|, an|DT avid|JJ hunter|NN ,|, woke|VBD up|RB ready|JJ to|TO go|VB bag|NN the|DT first|JJ deer|NNS of|IN the|DT season|NN .|. 
He|PRP walked|VBD down|RB to|TO the|DT kitchen|NN to|TO get|VB a|DT cup|NN of|IN coffee|NN ,|, and|CC to|TO his|PRP$ surprise|NN he|PRP found|VBD his|PRP$ wife|NN ,|, Alice|NNP ,|, sitting|VBG there|RB ,|, fully|RB dressed|VBN in|IN camouflage|NN .|. 
Jake|NNP asked|VBD her|PRP$ ,|, "|'' What|WP are|VBP you|PRP up|RP to|TO ?|. "|'' 
Alice|NNP smiled|VBD .|. 
"|'' I|PRP 'm|VBP going|VBG hunting|NN with|IN you|PRP !|. "|'' 
Jake|NNP ,|, though|IN he|PRP had|VBD many|JJ reservations|NNS about|IN this|DT ,|, reluctantly|RB decided|VBD to|TO take|VB her|PRP along|IN .|. 
Later|RB they|PRP arrived|VBD at|IN the|DT hunting|NN site|NN .|. 
Jake|NNP set|VBD his|PRP$ wife|NN safely|RB up|RB in|IN the|DT tree|NN stand|NN and|CC told|VBD her|PRP$ ,|, "|'' If|IN you|PRP see|VBP a|DT deer|NNS ,|, take|VB careful|JJ aim|NN and|CC I|PRP 'll|MD come|VB running|VBG back|RB as|RB soon|RB as|IN I|PRP hear|VBP the|DT shot|NN .|. "|'' 
Jake|NNP walked|VBD away|RB with|IN a|DT smile|NN on|IN his|PRP$ face|NN knowing|VBG that|IN Alice|NNP could|MD n't|RB bag|NN an|DT elephant|NN ,|, much|RB less|JJR a|DT deer|NNS .|. 
Not|RB 10|CD minutes|NNS passed|VBN when|WRB he|PRP was|VBD startled|VBD as|IN he|PRP heard|VBD an|DT array|NN of|IN gunshots|NNS .|. 
Quickly|NNP ,|, Jake|NNP ran|VBD back|RB .|. 
As|IN Jake|NNP got|VBD closer|JJR to|TO her|PRP$ stand|NN ,|, he|PRP heard|VBD Alice|NNP screaming|VBG :|: "|'' Get|VB away|RB from|IN my|PRP$ deer|NNS !|. "|'' 
Confused|NNP ,|, Jake|NNP raced|VBD faster|RBR towards|IN his|PRP$ screaming|VBG wife|NN .|. 
And|CC again|RB he|PRP heard|VBD her|PRP$ yell|VB :|: "|'' Get|VB away|RB from|IN my|PRP$ deer|NNS !|. "|'' 
followed|VBN by|IN another|DT volley|NN of|IN gunfire|NN !|. 
Now|RB within|IN sight|NN of|IN where|WRB he|PRP had|VBD left|VBN his|PRP$ wife|NN ,|, Jake|NNP was|VBD surprised|VBN to|TO see|VB a|DT cowboy|NN ,|, with|IN his|PRP$ hands|NNS high|JJ in|IN the|DT air|NN .|. 
The|DT cowboy|NN ,|, obviously|RB distraught|NN ,|, said|VBD ,|, "|'' Okay|UH ,|, lady|NN ,|, okay|JJ !|. !|. !|. !|. 
You|PRP can|MD have|VB your|PRP$ deer|NNS !|. !|. !|. 
Just|RB let|VB me|PRP get|VB my|PRP$ saddle|NN off|RP it|PRP first|JJ !|. "|'' 

Out|IN of|IN the|DT mouths|NNS of|IN babes|NNS ...|... While|IN working|VBG for|IN an|DT organization|NN that|WDT delivers|VBZ lunches|NNS to|TO elderly|JJ shut-ins|JJ ,|, I|PRP used|VBD to|TO take|VB my|PRP$ four-year-old|JJ daughter|NN on|IN my|PRP$ afternoon|NN rounds|NNS .|. 
She|PRP was|VBD unfailingly|RB intrigued|VBN by|IN the|DT various|JJ appliances|NNS of|IN old|JJ age|NN ,|, particularly|RB the|DT canes|NNS ,|, walkers|NNS and|CC wheelchairs|NNS .|. 
One|CD day|NN I|PRP found|VBD her|PRP$ staring|VBG at|IN a|DT pair|NN of|IN false|JJ teeth|NNS soaking|VBG in|IN a|DT glass|NN .|. 
As|IN I|PRP braced|VBD myself|PRP for|IN the|DT inevitable|JJ barrage|NN of|IN questions|NNS ,|, she|PRP merely|RB turned|VBD and|CC whispered|VBN ,|, "|'' The|DT tooth|NN fairy|NN will|MD never|RB believe|VB this|DT !|. 
"|'' 

